NO means NO!

“They call me a feminist because I refuse to be a prostitute or a doormat!”

This was a comment made at an illegal protest march I attended on Friday evening called “Take back the Night”. I partake in these marches because I believe in the rights of women and I strongly believe that the “struggle” is not over, as the patriarchal ideology of society would have us believe, it has only changed shape! The focus of this piece is not on the rights taken from women, but on the rights they fail to employ. As a woman, I have equal rights to a man, if not more, yet I choose not to take charge of them. I am of a breed of women who were raised to be ‘seen and not heard’, and I still find the concept of ‘feminism’ a daunting one.

On the 10th of November 2008, it will be a year since I was raped. It will also be the first time I will publicly speak to anyone about it. If you hadn’t guessed by now, no- I didn’t lay a charge on him. I also didn’t tell my parents or friends until I was sure I could say it without jumping off a roof. This piece is not supposed to evoke pity or sympathy; I want you to be angry. At me, at him, at society for making women believe they deserve the treatment they receive.

It is to my knowledge that many female students at Rhodes University are currently suffering in silence out of fear, shame even despondency. It is also in my opinion that it is out of self-preservation. Be they first or fourth year, they all respond in the same way. I commend those who have had the courage to step out in protest and reclaim their human rights, and I empathise with those who carry the burden while trying to piece their lives back together. Sisters, today is our day, let us stop allowing the patriarchal mentality tell us we are less than we believe we can be.

I have always had a negative attitude towards the counselling centre at Rhodes, not for anything they’d done to me personally, but just because of how I grew up. I’ve always believed that if a problem is not causing you physical bodily harm, then it isn’t serious enough to need counselling. How wrong I was, because even though it may not cause physical harm, the harm it is causing psychologically is irreversible and thus greater than physical harm which may heal without leaving a scar. The scars left by psychological trauma are permanent, most never reaching the stage of turning into a scar but remain open, gaping wounds that fester and rot as time goes by.

I have since changed my views on the counselling centre; they offer an understanding ear and a non-judgemental one at that. They offer a certain type of security that comes with knowing you can tell them your deepest and darkest secrets and they will remain in the room between the two of you. I’m beginning to understand and advocate ‘self-help’ because I believe that it is in my best interests that I deal with the emotional baggage I find I carry on a daily basis – when will you deal?

Ladies, take back the night, take it back every night!

What you wear or how many drinks you’ve had do not give anyone the right to take what is not theirs to have!